6 May 2011
FD4
Popularity is something that many people secretly strive for. Some embrace this “power,” using it to help benefit others. Many people like to rub it in the faces of those they believe to be below them on the social ladder. Being the center of attention gave me a rush. I felt like there was always a bright spotlight shinning on my face. [THESIS] I was on top of the world, the sun within my grasp, but I got burned. I’d never imagine that I’d become something so vile and deceiving. I had become a gossip monster. [THESIS]
Elementary school is supposed to be a simple time in a child’s life. A time when you always ate three meals a day, incorporating all the food groups. A time when recess seemed to go on forever. A time when coloring with crayons was a major art form. A time when “best friends forever” meant just that. Many people would agree, saying that this describes their childhood days to a tee. Sadly, I’m not one of them.
The three of us were as cute as can be, but evil lurked behind our photogenic smiles. Our mothers held the three highest positions on the PTA, meaning that we were the ones who got the Principal to break ground for the new jungle gym. We were Teachers’ Pet every year, but we stepped on everyone else to get there. We were a force to be reckoned with.
Long, flowing hair, as dark as the night, without a glimpse of the moon and stars. One left her shoulder length hair down, the second had a ponytail, and the third styled hers in perfect pigtails. Walking tall in our floral print dress with our trademark smiles on our faces, while we snickered at the “losers” that surrounded us. Lisa, the smart one, she was the brains behind our operation of segregation. Amanda, the nice one, polite and pleasant, but if you dared to make her upset, she’d bite your head off. Finally, there was me, Kristin, the out going one, the devil in angels clothing, I could lie to your face and you wouldn’t be able to tell.
Our trio had taken many victims over the last ten years. While doing so, we never flinched. I still remember our first poor unfortunate soul. Kathy, the showoff know-it-all, who had tried so hard to break into our circle. When her attempts failed, she tried to take our kingdom from us. That misguided girl tried to show our classmates how much smarter, nicer, and better she was compared to us. We saw right through her transparent act, so we decided to beat her at her own game. Kathy was welcomed into our group with open arms. Little did she know, we were planning the assassination of her reputation.
At first, I was apprehensive. Kathy and I had become close friends. Lisa and Amanda just pretended to be interested in how good she was at soccer or what funny joke her older brother had told her that morning. For me, the situation was different because I had truly befriended her. That all changed when she dared to call me a “worry wart.” When I was younger, if someone questioned me in any way, I would tear them limb from limb. My mind was made up. No one had the right to tell me who I was. At lunchtime that day, we planned our hostile take over.
Once that first nasty rumor left my lips, I was hooked. How could saying something bad about someone else make you feel so good? That question never seemed to cross my mind as our cruel words tore our enemy to shreds. My revenge had blinded me. I didn’t know how much Kathy was hurting as our classmates whispered when she entered the room. All I knew was, she had hurt me. So, I had to hurt her back.
After Kathy left the school, we did it repeatedly to countless others. We were living a lie, but we liked it. Gossiping was our drug of choice and just like addicts we were always looking for our next fix. At our sleepovers, we’d stay up all night cooking up new and nastier lies about our fellow classmates. When someone started to gain “popular” status, we’d rip it from their hands. It was like taking candy from a baby. We had no mercy and took no prisoners.
No one ever suspected us. That was probably because we were the first on the scene to comfort a crying classmate, who had been a victim of our vicious rumors. Past experiences had taught us well. There were four steps to our success:
1. Pretend to be nice and become friends with the victim.
2. Earn their trust; let them spill their deepest, darkest secrets to you.
3. When the time comes, use their secrets to ruin them.
4. Be the first one there when they need comforting, so no one will suspect you.
All that time, we thought we were so cool, but we really weren’t. I didn’t realize how much pain I had caused to so many people until seven years into our web of lies. The day we turned our backs on one of our own. The day we threw Amanda away; out into the cold like last weeks moldy bread crusts and smelly leftovers. She had betrayed us by breaking our most sacred law. She had gone out with a boy. Punishment was banishment.
I will never forget what happened that night we found out. Turtle Bay Resort, 2002. We were there with our middle school band, on a little vacation away from the hustle and bustle of school. Amanda was out on the balcony talking to her “boyfriend.” The digital clock blinked 12:15 A.M. I couldn’t sleep with all the loud talking and laughing going on outside. I turned over to face Lisa, who was watching TV from the other bed.
“They’re talking so loud,” I exclaimed in a tired, but harsh voice. Without saying a word, Lisa got off the bed and walked quietly towards the sliding door. I sat up in bed when she slammed the door. She slammed that door so hard I was sure the glass would shatter all over the moss green carpet. Calmly, she closed the curtains, turned off the TV, and climbed back into bed.
A short time later, we were woken up by the sound of someone knocking. Lisa and I both got up to check the door, thinking that maybe it was our chaperone. I looked through the peep hole, but no one was there. The knock came again. I thought I was going crazy. Then I realized that it was coming from the glass door. I put the clues together and concluded what had happened. Lisa was so pissed off that she locked Amanda outside on the freezing cold balcony.
When we started freshmen year in high school, Amanda had officially kicked out and replaced by another girl we both had befriended a couple years before. She was our new “best friend,” until Lisa accused her of becoming like our ex friend. I had watched helplessly from the sidelines as she tore these two girls to pieces. I vowed that if that ever happened to me, I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
About a year and a half later, I had the audacity to question Lisa’s judgement. I was given the boot in the early weeks of January 2005. I was then replaced by not one, but two other girls. The first, a girl so full of herself that I wouldn’t be surprised if she made out with her mirror. The second was one of those “easy” girls. She wore really short shorts and it wasn’t pretty. She thought she looked hot, but the truth was she looked like a pig being strangled by a pair of really tight denim shorts. After I had been exiled, I questioned my social status and the methods I had used to obtain it. I had taken part in the destruction of countless, innocent people and now it was my time to get a taste of my own medicine.
The power that one gains through popularity is extremely addicting. Over time you begin to think that you are better than everyone else. The rules don’t apply as long as you can use your name to weasel your way out problems. You feel that you and your friends are entitled to special privileges. Gossiping is how you usually acquire and maintain your status. It’s the “big gun” in a girl’s arsenal of psychological weaponry. Gossip can make or break a person; most times it breaks them like a ming vase when it hits a tile floor.
Just thinking back on what I was a part of made me sick to my stomach. I started to keep my mouth shut. Slowly, the social butterfly transformed into a quiet caterpillar. The thought of gossiping and trying so hard to keep hold of my “popular” status is what drove me into silence. I thought that if I was quiet and kept my head down that nothing bad would happen. I just wanted everyone to forget. I got my wish. High school went by and I was forgotten by everyone I had hurt. I became wallpaper. I had hit rock bottom. I needed to fall from that pedestal to realize that my obsession with popularity had ruined my life personally and socially.
Lisa and I have since made up and are best friends again. I also convinced her into making peace with our former friends. That was probably one of the most hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. I told her that we were wrong and told her what our lies had done to people. We cried for at least two hours, maybe longer.
“What we did was stupid, we were just little kids. We didn’t know that words could hurt a person like that,” she said. During our talk, I asked if she could go back in time, would she do the same hurtful things she had done in the past. “No, if I knew then what I know now, I think I would’ve made better decisions.”
I really wanted to agree with her, but that would be lying. If I had to go back, I think I would’ve done the same thing. Humans are strange creatures. It’s in our nature to enjoy making someone feel powerless.
I’m a recovering gossip addict. As stupid as it sounds, I hold my tongue everyday. Especially, since I’m now a member of the “in crowd” at work. My vile and conniving side is trying so hard to break free. I’m tempted each time I walk through the concert hall or arena doors. I’ve told a couple of my close coworker friends about my past. They tell me that it’s hard sometimes even for them.
I don’t spread rumors anymore, but there are some instances where a slip of my lip gets me wanting for more juicy stories. I admit to being a villain and it’s something that I’m not very proud of. Sadly, I think that I’m too hooked on gossiping to ever fully recover. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time.
So, the next time you are about to trash talk a coworker, teacher, or even a friend, think about it. Is it worth it? Are those fifteen minutes of fame in that spotlight going to make you seem cooler? Whoever said, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” must’ve not been a girl. Words can in fact hurt. Choose yours wisely or prepared to get burned.
Log of Completed Activities
_X__ Apr. 7- Intro to Paper #4: Read Guidelines for Paper #4: Literary Journalism
_X__ Apr. 11- Complete readings for paper #4: chap. 15
_X__ Apr. 15- Laulima Discussion #1.
_X__ Apr. 21- Laulima Discussion #2.
_X__ Apr. 29- RD4 due [50 pts] Review the guidelines.
_X__ May 2- Submit three RD4 evaluations. [50 pts] Review the guidelines.
_X__ May 4-9- FD4 due [150 pts] Review the guidelines.
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